Can spiritual women also be sexually satisfied? It's a sad question to have to ask, but the incomplete manner in which the Church has answered sexual questions does mandate that we discuss it.
If you're one of my more modest followers, please don't be disappointed but this article isn't for you. However, if you're a spiritual woman trying desperately to make sense of sexual desires and often finding answers outside of the Church, read on! I don't want you to find yourself falling for counterfeits in the quest. A lot of women have. (And you could win a free book that will help if you keep reading.)
The sales of the Fifty Shades of Grey series has sold over 100,000,000 and the series has had a seat on the New York Times Best-seller list for 100 weeks straight. Now it will be a blockbuster in the movie theaters with Fandago presales setting records already. Let me be honest: the book has revived the sexual appetites of many women. But is that good?
I'd like to suggest that it's not so great and that the best way to a vibrant sex life might just to become an "official church lady!"
While I won't deny that some Christian women with dead libidos got a dose of CPR through the recent normalization of erotica, I will also not deny the fact that many of them found that the initial thrill faded quickly. This has led some women to affairs. Huffington Post reported an initial increase in extra-marital affairs after the series took off. Other women —both married and single—that I've talked to found that erotica drew them away from the desire to be in a relationship with someone and towards more erotica—maybe a little porn—and self-pleasuring. (Both SELF Magazine and New Yorker ran articles in recent years claiming that porn pulled men and women away from the desire for a real life partner.) This is because addiction to erotica or porn (if it comes to that and I admit that it doesn't always), is an arousal addiction. As opposed to a substance addiction which makes you just want "more", arousal addiction makes you want "different." The brain just can't sustain the same potency of pleasure hormones with the same kind of turn-ons when it comes to arousal addiction. It needs new things.
Affairs? Relationship withdrawal?
That sounds like bad sex to me.
Dr. Juli Slattery and I have just co-written a book entitled Pulling Back the Shades for every spiritual woman who wants to understand her sexual desires. Because we believe it's possible to be both spiritual and sexual. In fact, I think spiritual women have the best sex.
Ok, I don't just think it, I know! One of the nation's most liberal sexual studies ever conducted and summarized in a book called Sex In America revealed that religiously active middled-aged women who were in mutually monogamous life-time partnerships—I call that marriage—were more sexually satisfied than those with little or no faith present in their lives. And I like to call that the "revenge of the church ladies!"
This stat is not really about sex at all.
It's about God.
The not so obvious fact is this: a deep and abiding love relationship with God is a woman's deepest longing. Finding that enables a women to have a deeper and more abiding loving relationship with their husbands now or in the future if they are not yet married.
Jesus met a woman at a well who was desperately trying to feed her sexual longings through men. He revealed a deep truth to her: her thirst was never going to be satisfied at the well of sexual desire. She needed Living Water. She needed a spiritual revival.
"A man knocking on the door of a brothel is really looking for God."
Whether you're married or single—if your sexual appetite is unmet, you need much more than a sexual revival. You need a spiritual one. You'll find just that in the pages of Pulling Back the Shades. And Juli and I will be available by way of blogs, interviews, webinars, and other creative outlets to invite the women of the Church into a sexual and spiritual revival. It's all happening at our brand new website: pullingbacktheshades.com.
Please join us on February 10 at 9pm ET for a vibrant free webinar where we'll discuss "Will You See Mr Grey?" Register here. (Scroll down 'til you get to the picture that looks like this:
Follow me on Facebook to stay up-to-date on the latest opportunity to join in the discussion. But for now, who wants in on the revenge of the Church ladies? Leave a comment below with a question you would like me to address related to this topic in my upcoming blogs. I'll randomly select ten women—"Official Church Ladies" to ship a brand new FREE copy of Pulling Back the Shades. "Official Church Ladies" will be selected at 5pm ET January 23rd and notified by email.