The Day My Husband Broke My Heart
Healing Does Happen: Our Road to Freedom
Is It Possible To Enjoy Intimacy Again After Porn?
Does God Really Care What I Wear?
The Naked Truth About Clothing
Finding the right mate is hard. What if you could use a method that guaranteed you'd find someone who would go the distance with you and would meet the deepest longings of your heart? Your answer to that question could reveal something important.
Once when I was speaking at a campus event at a Big Ten University, a couple approached me. He was a football player—all but worshipped in a town where the blood runs the same color as the team uniforms. Proud as could be, he stood beside his girlfriend to tell me that they were using his “celebrity” status to encourage purity on the sex-saturated campus. “Whenever we get the chance we share our philosophy?” he beamed…with a little too much pride, I might add. Noticing a look of distinct shame on her face, I felt the need to clarify.
"I’m just not seeing the message of grace presented in these purity and modesty movement," a woman once wrote to me. "Why did Jesus die on the cross? We are righteous because of Jesus, not because of our works. ... I am all about ...waiting to have sex until marriage and using common sense in dressing in a manner that is respectful to yourself and those around you. But these are conversations that play such a minor role in the fabric of our lives. The Gospel is about Jesus and God’s grace, it’s not about purity."
Can spiritual women also be sexually satisfied? It's a sad question to have to ask, but the incomplete manner in which the Church has answered sexual questions does mandate that we discuss it. If you're one of my more modest followers, please don't be disappointed but this article isn't for you. However, if you're a spiritual woman trying desperately to make sense of sexual desires and often finding answers outside of the Church, read on! I don't want you to find yourself falling for counterfeits in the quest. A lot of women have.
I once opened my blog to moderate comments on a post titled "Was Mary A Virgin?" Suddenly, I was being accused of "slut-shaming" for using the word virgin. What!? It was the VIRGIN Mary who I was writing about! The comments were just the crest of a wave of frustration I've heard lamenting that the word purity has no efficacy. So, let's put it on trial today and see where we land.
"We can determine with certainty that the virgin Mary was, in fact, not a virgin," wrote one self-declared atheist. His was one of many blog posts and articles I found debunking the "myth" of Mary's miraculous conception. Admittedly, some of the articles I read on this topic were written by respected religious scholars... and some were published in Pulitzer Prize winning journals. A Christian pursuing an intelligent faith simply must stop to consider how incredibly ludicrous it is to believe that Jesus was born of a virgin.
One of the most critical on-going conversations mothers can have with their daughters is on the topic of sexuality. My head spins with all the risk and hope that teeters on the existence of such a dialogue. Let me share the best news first: the number one risk-reducer for your daughter is parent/child connection. What you think about sex informs her view of it, and what you communicate about sexual risk and sexual theology helps to steer her towards healthy choices. You're that powerful, Mom. Let me explain.
"The truth is that God designed sex to be enjoyed within the context of a marriage bed. It’s as simple and as terribly frustrating as that. While it would be nice if there were a caveat for those who never get married, that would deny the sanctity of the act of sex altogether wouldn’t it? The marriage bed should be honored by “all,” not just those who have one. (Hebrews 13:4) This is difficult but true." (From "How Can I Satisfy My Sexual Desire As A Single Woman?")
Recent studies suggest that women are scientifically attracted to bad boys. Some think this tendency is heightened during ovulation when a woman may subconsciously be more likely to consider how protective a potential mate could be of offspring. I think we are, in fact, attracted to the bad boy. But I think the reason is much simpler than science will ever uncover. I'd like to reveal it to you today so you can figure out what to do with your bad boy appetite before you end up with one that might hurt you.